(Closed to Gabe - Sirens Gone Wild plot~)

[freefromsin]

Caleb wakes up with the overwhelming feeling that he needs to see Gabe.

It's one step away from thinking Gabe is in trouble, that urgent. There's no explanation, but the panic, the desperation, the longing are a physical ache in his chest that's impossible to ignore. He scrambles from bed, pulling on shoes while stumbling for the bathroom to take a quick piss. He manages a five second teeth brushing, but doesn't bother with his hair. He went to bed in cotton shorts and a tank top and he figures he's dressed well enough, he doesn't have time to change, he has to go.

He slips quickly and silently out of the house. It's pouring but that doesn't stop him from sprinting down the driveway to the sidewalk. It's a brisk five or ten minute jog to Mira's house, and surely the most exercise he's had in awhile, but he hardly notices. He's panting and drenched by the time he reaches their block. Shivering, he rubs a frantic hand over the back of his neck; it's early and he doesn't want to piss Mira's family off by knocking at the door and potentially waking anyone up, but he needs Gabe. Gabe needs him, he just knows it.

After some manic pacing in front of Mira's house, he finally walks to the porch and gives a determined knock. Or two.

...Three when no one answers right away.

Comments

[overdrawing]

"I really hope you don't cuddle your brother like this," Gabe says, letting himself press closer, inviting Caleb to wrap his arms around him again. Gabe feels warm and safe against Caleb, his friend, his something more, maybe. He doesn't know if he's ready to put it in words, even if his feelings are clearly happy to run away with him.

[freefromsin]

Caleb lets go of Gabe's hand to wrap him back up in his arms, since he isn't moving away. His heart speeds up at the thought, that he wants to stay here, like this. That he wants to be held. Caleb cups the back of Gabe's head, fingers sinking into his hair, and teases, "Why, jealous?"

[overdrawing]

Gabe sighs, mostly at the regrettable fact that he's wide awake. He lets his eyes close again though, enjoying the way Caleb's fingers card through his hair.

"Because I don't know how to...be like this," he says quietly. With his eyes still closed, it feels like confessing with a screen to block the priest. Only it's Caleb and he knows all of this maybe better than Gabe does himself.

"To be..." Gabe still can't let himself say the word. To say that he's homosexual. Gay. Not attracted to women. It's even harder letting himself believe that he's not damned for eternity.

[freefromsin]

"Gay?" Caleb supplies, all hints of teasing gone. His expression fades into something more serious, and he moves his hand from Gabe's hair to his cheek, a gentle touch.

"It's just like being attracted to anyone else. Gabe, it's normal," he says softy, without judgement or preaching. Just like they were having a conversation about anything else. "Your orientation isn't a choice, and it isn't a sin. I know it's hard for you to believe, but it's like...your eye color, it's how you were born and there's nothing wrong with it. Or you."

[overdrawing]

Gabe takes a second. How can one word, one syllable carry so much weight? It takes a long moment before he can finally nod, still unready to acknowledge the word with a spoken response. He just nods once under Caleb's hand, enjoying the warm touch.

"I'm still having a hard time...letting myself be anything."

[freefromsin]

"That's okay," Caleb says in that same soft voice, stroking lightly along Gabe's cheekbone. "Take as long as you need to figure everything out. Just...please don't hate yourself, okay?" It was the one thing he couldn't handle, seeing Gabe be so self-loathing. It hurt his heart.

[overdrawing]

"I'm trying not to, anymore. I'm trying." He sighs and turns his head a little so that he can enjoy the gentle touch. So that he can let himself.

[freefromsin]

"Okay," Caleb whispers, and continues to stroke Gabe's cheek with his thumb when he sees that he seems to like it. His hand moves from cheek, to jaw, to neck, and returns to his hair to pet.

"I just want you to be happy."

[overdrawing]

Gabe smiles a tiny bit at that, though the expression is still tinged with a little sadness because he doesn't think he knows how to be happy. Not without conditions.

If Caleb knows, maybe he can show him.

"I like that. With my hair."

[freefromsin]

"Step one to making Gabe happy, pet his hair," Caleb says quietly, a smile in his voice. He continues to play with Gabe's hair, combing it with his fingers. Eventually he moves into massaging Gabe's head, rubbing his skull in small, gentle circles. "Like this, too?"

[overdrawing]

"Simple pleasures," he supposes and that draws a proper smile out of him. "Hair pets? Good friends?"

Sometimes, he worries that Caleb will realize he doesn't deserve him as a friend, much less anything else.

[freefromsin]

"Best friend," Caleb reminds him, grinning across the pillow at Gabe, eyes half-closed. "You said so yourself."

[overdrawing]

He smiles shyly, hopefully, and reaches up to lay his hand on top of Caleb's, their fingers tangling just a little.

"Thank you for finding me."

[freefromsin]

Caleb can feel his heart thudding in his chest, and he wants desperately to kiss Gabe. He doesn't, though, because there's no way he's going to risk scaring Gabe off. Not when Gabe is being so openly affectionate, and seems so comfortable. It's a lot even to be holding hands.

His smile does turn demure, though, looking away from Gabe for a moment because that's just such an impossibly sweet thing to say.

"Any time."

[overdrawing]

He feels found in more than one way. Not just retrieved but a little more safe as himself. Caleb so close makes him easy to want and the temptation to kiss him is so palpable, but he still fears what he might do.

"I just don't want to do something that hurts you accidentally."

[freefromsin]

Caleb traces the arc of Gabe's nose, and then taps the end with his finger, his smile going playful.

"Just don't leave, okay? I'd like to never have to hitchhike again if I can help it."

[overdrawing]

"If I leave, I'll tell you." Not that he plans to leave. Gabe thinks that if he ever moved somewhere, Siren Cove would inspire the homesickness that his family home doesn't. He'd miss Mira and Finn, even the work at the pub that leaves his hands raw and rough.

Shyly, Gabe moves a few inches closer, close enough for a kiss he's not brave enough to ask for.

[freefromsin]

"Okay." Caleb's voice goes hushed as Gabe gets closer. He's so close it's hard to focus on his face, and Caleb's heart speeds up again. Still, his eyes search Gabe's for intent.

"Can I kiss you?" he whispers.

[overdrawing]

Yes and please are such simple sounds and yet so difficult to say. Quietly, Gabe nods, his eyes meeting Caleb and he waits, holding his breath.

[freefromsin]

Caleb wants to kiss Gabe more than anything. He wants to feel what he'd felt that night in the hotel room with him; it had probably been the best night of his whole life. And it wasn't just the sex - though that had been amazing - it was affirming what he was. It was the connection. It was all the affection and desire he'd felt for Gabe since he was a teenager being acted upon - showing him how he felt and having it reciprocated. It had been a dream come true. But it hadn't ended well, and now here was a chance to make it right.

And yet.

He can't deny that there's a part of him that's scared. Yes, Gabe is giving him permission, but he'd given him permission that night, too. Time has passed for Gabe to try and come to terms with all of it, but has it been enough? He'd promised himself he would wait, that he wouldn't do anything until Gabe was ready, even if it was twenty years from now...

But maybe he is ready. At least, for a kiss.

So Caleb lets his eyes slip closed, and he leans in, touching their lips together feather-light, the sweetest, most delicate kiss.

[overdrawing]

Gabe's chest thuds with nervousness, with anticipation. There's still fear, but it has nothing to do with Caleb. He doesn't know how to kiss, not really, hasn't kissed anyone before or since Caleb. He isn't like Joel and Spencer or Finn or Davin; he's nothing but clumsy and shy. Inexperienced.

Caleb might laugh at him and Gabe wouldn't even think him wrong for it.

But Caleb's not laughing, or making any noise at all. He's pressed so lightly against Gabe that it's almost impossible to believe it's happening. This is it, he realizes. This is a kiss. The gesture isn't scary or shameful. It's just a kiss. Gabe feels warm all over, safe instead of scared.

Uncertain, he inclines his head a little so that the connection is more real, more firm.

[freefromsin]

Caleb stops thinking, he stops worrying, when he feels Gabe reciprocate. He lets out the tiniest moan and melts into the kiss, reaching over to gently cup Gabe's cheek. It's warm and dreamy and perfect, and it just reaffirms that how he feels about Gabe is real, his feelings never went away.

[overdrawing]

"You're the only person I've ever kissed," Gabe whispers. He keeps his eyes closed so he can just revel in their shared warmth. Vaguely, in the distance, he can hear Mira and her family stirring, but he doesn't want to get up.

Laughing softly, relieved at how easy and safe it feels. "I'm not sneaking you out Mira's window."

[freefromsin]

Caleb feels a flush of guilt, because he'd kissed other boys - and more - after Gabe had disappeared. It wasn't the same, it wasn't near as good, but he'd wanted to know what it would be like. He doesn't say so, though. There's no reason to tell Gabe.

"Would it be so scandalous that I stayed over?" he asks with a small grin. "Nothing happened."

[overdrawing]

No, Gabe realizes, shaking his head slowly. It occurs to him just then that that isn't what he's concerned over. "Just worried it'd be rude, inviting you over when I'm their guest," he admits shyly.