pre-play fun

[freefromsin]

It was the last day of their trip. The competition was over. They'd won, probably mostly thanks to Caleb's exceptionally talented roommate. Speaking of, Gabe was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Caleb flopped down on the bed, already in his pajamas, but far from tired. Without much else to think about, stuck in a hotel room with nothing to do, his mind wandered to his friend. Gabe was just...so cute, and Caleb didn't know what to do with that information. He knew he should be scared, because what his father would tell him, what the church would tell him, was that it was Satan making him think these things. God would never let Caleb be attracted to another boy, so it must be Satan, or a demon. Only, it didn't feel very sinister. Gabe wasn't evil. He was just a cute boy, anyone could see that, no matter what gender.

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[overdrawing]

"It's a blessing," he said. His mother had always called his singing a gift from God but to have Caleb feel the same way finally makes him believe it. Body still humming with pleasure, he let himself be kissed and held. Adored.

"You've wanted me? Before tonight?"

[freefromsin]

Caleb blushed, which was kind of crazy, considering what they'd just done. "Yeah," he admitted, voice hushed. "I guess I did a good job hiding it, huh?" His fingers tightened in Gabe's hair a moment, possessive, then relaxed, stroking absently down the back of Gabe's neck.

"It's our secret, right?"

[overdrawing]

"Our secret," he agreed. Eyes closed, his face buried in Caleb's neck, it was easy to hide the terrible, sinking realization that hit him. It was their secret because what they'd done was obscene and sinful. There weren't enough different ways to count how wrong this all was. How he hated himself for wanting more.

"It has to stay secret."

[freefromsin]

Caleb petted Gabe's hair soothingly, tucking his nose into the damp strands for a moment. "Of course. No one would understand. But, I don't care. This is like...the most right I've ever felt about anything before," he murmured.

He knew he should feel guilty, but he just...didn't. Not now. He felt happy, content. Defiant. He felt like this was something that had been looming, something waiting to happen. He felt like this was who he was.

He also felt drowsy, and smiled to himself. "Sleep, okay? We don't want to miss the bus tomorrow."

[overdrawing]

"Yeah," Gabe said, voice low and all of him suddenly aching. He scooted a little bit away from Caleb, giving him space to fall asleep while trying to calm his own mind.

There was no confessing this sin, no asking to be forgiven for giving into temptation. What he'd done was beyond that.

"Sleep."

Because he was weak, he leaned forward and gave him a kiss.

[freefromsin]

Mostly asleep already, warm and content, Caleb pursed his lips to accept the kiss, and smiling, dozed off.

[overdrawing]

Gabe didn't fall asleep. He lay still, watching Caleb's face as he did, hating himself by how earnestly he wanted to wake up to that relaxed, blissful expression. Instead, he waited and then he slipped out of bed.

With no thought to consequence, he dressed himself mechanically and made his way downstairs, following the simplest imperative. Find a bus. Get away. Never come back.