pre-play fun

[freefromsin]

It was the last day of their trip. The competition was over. They'd won, probably mostly thanks to Caleb's exceptionally talented roommate. Speaking of, Gabe was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Caleb flopped down on the bed, already in his pajamas, but far from tired. Without much else to think about, stuck in a hotel room with nothing to do, his mind wandered to his friend. Gabe was just...so cute, and Caleb didn't know what to do with that information. He knew he should be scared, because what his father would tell him, what the church would tell him, was that it was Satan making him think these things. God would never let Caleb be attracted to another boy, so it must be Satan, or a demon. Only, it didn't feel very sinister. Gabe wasn't evil. He was just a cute boy, anyone could see that, no matter what gender.

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[overdrawing]

"Bathroom's all yours," Gabe said. Even on a choir trip, he dressed in a full pajama set, the collar buttoned up to his neck. Caleb, by comparison, was practically bare and he lost himself for a moment, watching the curve of neck into collarbone and noticing how graceful the line of his throat was. Shaking his head to clear it, Gabe dragged his glance back up to Caleb's eyes.

"Sorry, I spaced out for a second there." He sat down on the opposite edge of the bed, back to Caleb.

[freefromsin]

Caleb had a long-sleeved pajama shirt with him, he just didn't much like it and didn't think it mattered what he wore around Gabe. But he'd have to be blind to miss the way Gabe's gaze lingered, and a small, burst of hope blossomed in his chest.

He sat up. "You okay?"

[overdrawing]

Gabe nodded, folding himself into his side of the bed. This was the sort of reason that he wore full sets of clothing, to keep from distracting or being distracted. Immodesty on either sex was a sin. Caleb knew that as well as Gabe.

"I'm fine. Like I said. I just spaced out."

[freefromsin]

"Okay..."

Caleb got up to use the bathroom. He washed his face and brushed his teeth, and tried not to think about his friend as anything beyond friend.

But then, when he came back into the main room and saw Gabe in that miserable little curled up position, he just couldn't help himself. He climbed onto the bed and stood up.

"Have you ever jumped on the bed?" he asked with a grin, and started bouncing gently up and down next to Gabe.

[overdrawing]

"What? I mean of co–Caleb! We have to sleep!" he protested. They had to catch an early bus tomorrow and they'd both be in for a lot of trouble if they made things run late because they spent the night being silly. "You're being ridiculous!"

Even as he said it, Gabe couldn't help grinning at him as he sat up and hugged a pillow to his chest as if to ward off the silliness.

"It's almost midnight!"

[freefromsin]

Caleb's uncertain smile grew into a full grin at the sight of Gabe smiling, and he jumped harder, twirling in circles.

"You're being ridiculous! Our last night of freedom and you want to sleep? Let's have fun!" he cried, leaning over to grab his pillow. He softly hit Gabe in the head with it and resumed jumping.

[overdrawing]

He laughed and held up his pillow to block Caleb's attack and then held it up and in front of him like a shield. "Freedom from what?" he asked, swatting at Caleb. He did bounce a little in his seat, not quite standing up.

"Aren't we a little old for pillow fights?"

[freefromsin]

Caleb laughed and bounced back away from Gabe's counterattack, only to lunge forward to try and swat him again. "Freedom from chores, freedom from fathers..."

"Freedom from age restrictions," he added, smiling winningly.

[overdrawing]

"Why would we want to be free from our fathers? They're heads of the family. They're the most important thing in the family." They were the ones who acted on behalf of God more than anyone else in their home. Whatever Caleb was talking about, Gabe couldn't understand.

Rising up on his knees, Gabe swung the pillow in earnest at Caleb. "My father's a great man. All of my family are."

[freefromsin]

Caleb flushed with embarrassment, both from wishing he felt so sure about his own father, and from the reminder of God's word. There was a small pit in his stomach of guilt, and distracted, Gale succeeded in hitting him with the pillow.

"Yeah. I just meant...y'know, no bedtime or anything. I don't know." He flopped back down, sitting across from Gabe, still clutching his pillow in one hand.

"You know what we should do?" His smile returned, a tiny one.

[overdrawing]

"What should we do?" Gabe asked, though his tone was less certain now. Caleb looked as though what he thought they should do included mischief of a kind that would have all their chaperons raining down on them if they got caught.

"You look like you mean trouble."

[freefromsin]

Caleb's tiny smile turned into a tiny grin. "Maybe."

Abandoning his pillow, he reached past Gabe and grabbed the remote control off the bedside table. He sat back, gave it a little wave, and scooted back to sit against the headboard.

"We don't even have a TV at our house," he said, and hit the Power button.

[overdrawing]

"We have one," Gabe admitted. His face twisted uncertainly, "But you know why people don't have it. We could see anything." The temptation is too much and Caleb shouldn't be encouraging it.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked, trying to comprehend why Caleb was acting so out of sorts.

[freefromsin]

Caleb's mouth twisted a little, briefly annoyed by the rules, by God's expectations and Gabe's perfect adherence to both of them. Why couldn't he be so devoted? Why was he always questioning things? Why did he want?

"Nothing," he mumbled. "It's just TV. Don't you think we can be a good judge on what's okay to watch? I mean, I'm turning nineteen in like...two weeks."

As it was, he'd turned on the local news. Boring. He flipped past a commercial, past an infomercial, past an animal documentary, a home improvement show, and stopped on what looked like a movie.

[overdrawing]

Gabe screwed up his mouth uncertainly, trying to keep his gaze away from the screen as if the devil might leap out if his resolve were to break. "And I already am nineteen. I'll be twenty in a month. I have seniority."

He closed his eyes and flopped backward on the bed, hand over his eyes.

"Why are you trying so hard to act out? You don't need to."

[freefromsin]

Caleb rolled his eyes. It's not like Gabe had any actual authority over him. Especially when it was the difference of months.

He frowned at Gabe's accusation and looked over at him, even if Gabe wasn't looking back. "I'm not acting out."

He scowled and looked back to the TV. Gabe didn't have to watch the movie, but he was going to. On screen, two of the characters began to kiss. Caleb felt his neck go hot and he almost changed the channel...but he didn't. Gabe wasn't his dad. And movies with kissing weren't against God.

[overdrawing]

His faith was imperfect, driven by fear of reprisals that Gabe could never articulate. Fidgeting, he covered his mouth with a half-formed fist, stubby nails pressing against his lip. At the same time, his jaw clenched as he recalled the phantom taste of Chinese mustard and chili oils in his mouth.

"Do you have to watch this?" Gabe looked stubbornly at the ceiling, trying to block out the sounds that surely signified kissing. Probably outside of marriage or even courtship.

[freefromsin]

Caleb didn't remove his gaze from the television, but he could sense the tension from Gabe's body like it was part of his own. Maybe in a way it was, watching something like this while sharing a bed with a friend. A cute friend.

He bit his lower lip, worrying it, and then asked, abruptly, "Have you ever kissed anyone?"

[overdrawing]

Gabe turned to look at Caleb, frowning deeply now, even as his eyes traced the bridge of Caleb's nose and his lips. The mention of kissing locked his gaze to Caleb's pursed mouth.

"Of course I haven't," he said. "That's for marriage!"

[freefromsin]

Caleb turned his head to look at Gabe and didn't say anything for a long, drawn out moment.

There were a lot of things he wanted to say, right on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he blurted out, "Are your parents doing parent-guided courtship for you?"

[overdrawing]

Gabe exhaled, that tense moment finally passing, and he shifted more fully onto his side to face Caleb. "Not yet, but soon," he said.

They would find someone for him. Someone sweet and faithful, ready to bring children into the world the way they were supposed to.

[freefromsin]

Having Gabe's full attention, Caleb set the remote down and shifted on the mattress, slinking lower to face Gale, mirroring his body.

"Mine too. They're going to find someone for us. I probably won't even like her very much," he said, speaking his mind for the first time. He'd never voiced these thoughts aloud, and he didn't even know if he could trust Gale, and Gale probably would just call him sinful, but it felt good to get it off his chest.

"I kissed Kim Cline two years ago at youth camp. It wasn't that great," he said, unable to stop the words now that they were coming out.

[overdrawing]

"You what?" Gabe asked, his voice low and hushed, scandalized. "You've taken her first kiss away from her husband! Why would you do that?"

The revelation was too terrible to tell anyone. What was he supposed to do with that information. "What did she do to tempt you like that? You shouldn't have!"

[freefromsin]

Caleb's face went hot. "Because she didn't care!" he said, his voice a whisper, but defensive. His eyes were bright, he didn't want to be blamed, even if he knew he was just as culpable as she had been.

"She just...went like--" Looking across the bed, mere inches away, into Gale's dark eyes, he couldn't resist. He demonstrated what Kim had done, touching Gabe's smooth cheek with his fingertips. He ghosted them along Gabe's cheekbone, traced the curve of his jaw, all the way to his soft lower lip. He could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest, and he knew what he wanted was bad, but he was having a hard time coming up with reasons why.

[overdrawing]

"Caleb...what are you doing?" Even as he asked it, Gabe felt his eyes drifting closed. Caleb's hands were somehow both soft and calloused, very warm. All he had to do was purse his lips and that would be like a kiss to his hand.

This was wrong.

This was wrong and Caleb's touch was gentle and Gabe wanted it.