pre-play fun

[freefromsin]

It was the last day of their trip. The competition was over. They'd won, probably mostly thanks to Caleb's exceptionally talented roommate. Speaking of, Gabe was in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Caleb flopped down on the bed, already in his pajamas, but far from tired. Without much else to think about, stuck in a hotel room with nothing to do, his mind wandered to his friend. Gabe was just...so cute, and Caleb didn't know what to do with that information. He knew he should be scared, because what his father would tell him, what the church would tell him, was that it was Satan making him think these things. God would never let Caleb be attracted to another boy, so it must be Satan, or a demon. Only, it didn't feel very sinister. Gabe wasn't evil. He was just a cute boy, anyone could see that, no matter what gender.

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[overdrawing]

"Why would we want to be free from our fathers? They're heads of the family. They're the most important thing in the family." They were the ones who acted on behalf of God more than anyone else in their home. Whatever Caleb was talking about, Gabe couldn't understand.

Rising up on his knees, Gabe swung the pillow in earnest at Caleb. "My father's a great man. All of my family are."

[freefromsin]

Caleb flushed with embarrassment, both from wishing he felt so sure about his own father, and from the reminder of God's word. There was a small pit in his stomach of guilt, and distracted, Gale succeeded in hitting him with the pillow.

"Yeah. I just meant...y'know, no bedtime or anything. I don't know." He flopped back down, sitting across from Gabe, still clutching his pillow in one hand.

"You know what we should do?" His smile returned, a tiny one.

[overdrawing]

"What should we do?" Gabe asked, though his tone was less certain now. Caleb looked as though what he thought they should do included mischief of a kind that would have all their chaperons raining down on them if they got caught.

"You look like you mean trouble."

[freefromsin]

Caleb's tiny smile turned into a tiny grin. "Maybe."

Abandoning his pillow, he reached past Gabe and grabbed the remote control off the bedside table. He sat back, gave it a little wave, and scooted back to sit against the headboard.

"We don't even have a TV at our house," he said, and hit the Power button.

[overdrawing]

"We have one," Gabe admitted. His face twisted uncertainly, "But you know why people don't have it. We could see anything." The temptation is too much and Caleb shouldn't be encouraging it.

"What's gotten into you?" he asked, trying to comprehend why Caleb was acting so out of sorts.

[freefromsin]

Caleb's mouth twisted a little, briefly annoyed by the rules, by God's expectations and Gabe's perfect adherence to both of them. Why couldn't he be so devoted? Why was he always questioning things? Why did he want?

"Nothing," he mumbled. "It's just TV. Don't you think we can be a good judge on what's okay to watch? I mean, I'm turning nineteen in like...two weeks."

As it was, he'd turned on the local news. Boring. He flipped past a commercial, past an infomercial, past an animal documentary, a home improvement show, and stopped on what looked like a movie.

[overdrawing]

Gabe screwed up his mouth uncertainly, trying to keep his gaze away from the screen as if the devil might leap out if his resolve were to break. "And I already am nineteen. I'll be twenty in a month. I have seniority."

He closed his eyes and flopped backward on the bed, hand over his eyes.

"Why are you trying so hard to act out? You don't need to."

[freefromsin]

Caleb rolled his eyes. It's not like Gabe had any actual authority over him. Especially when it was the difference of months.

He frowned at Gabe's accusation and looked over at him, even if Gabe wasn't looking back. "I'm not acting out."

He scowled and looked back to the TV. Gabe didn't have to watch the movie, but he was going to. On screen, two of the characters began to kiss. Caleb felt his neck go hot and he almost changed the channel...but he didn't. Gabe wasn't his dad. And movies with kissing weren't against God.

[overdrawing]

His faith was imperfect, driven by fear of reprisals that Gabe could never articulate. Fidgeting, he covered his mouth with a half-formed fist, stubby nails pressing against his lip. At the same time, his jaw clenched as he recalled the phantom taste of Chinese mustard and chili oils in his mouth.

"Do you have to watch this?" Gabe looked stubbornly at the ceiling, trying to block out the sounds that surely signified kissing. Probably outside of marriage or even courtship.

[freefromsin]

Caleb didn't remove his gaze from the television, but he could sense the tension from Gabe's body like it was part of his own. Maybe in a way it was, watching something like this while sharing a bed with a friend. A cute friend.

He bit his lower lip, worrying it, and then asked, abruptly, "Have you ever kissed anyone?"

[overdrawing]

Gabe turned to look at Caleb, frowning deeply now, even as his eyes traced the bridge of Caleb's nose and his lips. The mention of kissing locked his gaze to Caleb's pursed mouth.

"Of course I haven't," he said. "That's for marriage!"

[freefromsin]

Caleb turned his head to look at Gabe and didn't say anything for a long, drawn out moment.

There were a lot of things he wanted to say, right on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he blurted out, "Are your parents doing parent-guided courtship for you?"

[overdrawing]

Gabe exhaled, that tense moment finally passing, and he shifted more fully onto his side to face Caleb. "Not yet, but soon," he said.

They would find someone for him. Someone sweet and faithful, ready to bring children into the world the way they were supposed to.

[freefromsin]

Having Gabe's full attention, Caleb set the remote down and shifted on the mattress, slinking lower to face Gale, mirroring his body.

"Mine too. They're going to find someone for us. I probably won't even like her very much," he said, speaking his mind for the first time. He'd never voiced these thoughts aloud, and he didn't even know if he could trust Gale, and Gale probably would just call him sinful, but it felt good to get it off his chest.

"I kissed Kim Cline two years ago at youth camp. It wasn't that great," he said, unable to stop the words now that they were coming out.

[overdrawing]

"You what?" Gabe asked, his voice low and hushed, scandalized. "You've taken her first kiss away from her husband! Why would you do that?"

The revelation was too terrible to tell anyone. What was he supposed to do with that information. "What did she do to tempt you like that? You shouldn't have!"

[freefromsin]

Caleb's face went hot. "Because she didn't care!" he said, his voice a whisper, but defensive. His eyes were bright, he didn't want to be blamed, even if he knew he was just as culpable as she had been.

"She just...went like--" Looking across the bed, mere inches away, into Gale's dark eyes, he couldn't resist. He demonstrated what Kim had done, touching Gabe's smooth cheek with his fingertips. He ghosted them along Gabe's cheekbone, traced the curve of his jaw, all the way to his soft lower lip. He could feel his heart pounding hard in his chest, and he knew what he wanted was bad, but he was having a hard time coming up with reasons why.

[overdrawing]

"Caleb...what are you doing?" Even as he asked it, Gabe felt his eyes drifting closed. Caleb's hands were somehow both soft and calloused, very warm. All he had to do was purse his lips and that would be like a kiss to his hand.

This was wrong.

This was wrong and Caleb's touch was gentle and Gabe wanted it.

[freefromsin]

Gabe didn't move away and he didn't say not to, and Caleb knew he liked him, knew it. Feeling brave, Caleb shifted closer, tracing his fingers across Caleb's brow as his eyes closed.

"Just...showing you," he murmured, like a secret. He leaned in, hand moving to cup the back of Gabe's neck, and kissed him. He kissed Gabe softly, like maybe it wouldn't be so bad if it was only a delicate touch.

[overdrawing]

"This is wrong." There wasn't much conviction to his words, not when the heat spread slowly through him, starting with his lips. It seemed so simple, so natural, to lean forward and kiss him again.

No demons were jumping out at them. There was hardly any sound except for the television. No one was there to witness Gabe as he slid fingers into Caleb's soft, dark hair and let him take Gabe's first, second, and third kisses.

[freefromsin]

"Feels right to me," Caleb whispered in between kisses, lips still touching when he spoke. And it was. It felt incredibly right. Kissing Kim had been nothing, it had been like kissing a wall. But this. He wouldn't even be able to describe it, the way Gabe made his face flush and his mouth tingle.

When Gabe's fingers found his hair, Caleb whimpered, barely audible, his own tightened around the back of Gabe's neck, keeping him there.

Though he had little experience with kissing, he had seen it, so he knew there was...more. Experimentally, he parted his lips when they pressed to Gabe's just a little harder, wanting to taste.

[overdrawing]

He should have pushed away. Should have declared this obscene. Anything but what he actually did. When Caleb's mouth opened slightly, Gabe followed suit, even pulled himself closer so that he could run fingers out of his hair and down the neck and shoulders that had so fixated them before.

"And lead us not into temptation," he whispered, knowing that to say such a thing was blasphemy when he wasn't being led. He was diving, careening, throwing himself into temptation with abandon, his head going swimmy as he was kissed.

[freefromsin]

Gabe reciting scripture as they kissed only sent a small thrill through him. Gabe's hands on him was even better.

"Deliver us from evil," he whispered in response, before kissing Gabe again, deepening it, letting out a tiny moan when he felt Gabe's tongue against his own.

He shifted his body, leaning into Gabe, above him more than alongside him, and grasped the bottom of his pajama shirt. "If you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you," came his breathless voice, meant to reassure. Not just Gabe, but also himself.

He slid a hand under Gabe's shirt, feeling warm, warm skin.

[overdrawing]

"We shouldn't," he said again, but only because he was supposed to. Caleb's hand against his skin was intimate in a way he'd never known. The most physical affection he'd known was from his siblings and usually only Temperance or else Uriel and Charity in gratitude for help in lessons. This was not familial. This was hot and sent heat pooling into his stomach and lower.

Instinct made his hips cant forward, sliding a leg between Caleb's. Even that little bit of new friction became delicious and unbearable. It provoked a low moan out of him as he kissed Caleb harder.

[freefromsin]

"It's okay, it's okay," he murmured against Gabe's lips, "I've got you."

Gabe's moan threatened to unravel Caleb from inside out. He'd never been so turned on in his life. Gabe brought his body close, but it only spurred Caleb into wanting him closer. He covered Gabe's body with his own, hooking his leg around Gabe's to bring their hips together. With his body around Gabe's, hands skating impatiently along Gabe's back, he rocked his hips. He was so hard, and he could feel Gabe was, too.

[overdrawing]

Those words were a balm. Even if it was a false reassurance, just being able to hear someone say this was okay was all he needed. They were so far gone that Gabe didn't need counseling or persuasion, just the words that it was okay. His breath shuddered out of him and Gabe's eyes closed heavily as his hips jerked forward again. He didn't know, but his body did. His body told him that this was right.

"I...I want." He didn't know exactly what he wanted, just that he did.